Despair - Chapter One (Story)

I stood in front of the mirror the second time of the day.  I wasn’t sure what drove me to it, but there was something there that made me feel miserable.  Somehow, it had felt like there had been a rope that kept pulling me towards it, and that I was trapped.  Was I addicted to some glass panel?  That, I wasn’t sure of, even though it strongly felt like it.  I looked closely at my reflection, and saw that my surroundings grew very dim, almost pitch black.  I then heard sudden whispers and laughter coming from the other room.  I noticed they started to become louder, as they started screaming something about how worthless I was, and it somehow had made me frightened.  I tried to run away, but my feet seemed as if they were glued to the ground, making me feel helpless and afraid.

I figured out that I was dreaming when my eyes opened back up, seeing that I was back in my living room.  We had moved in just yesterday, and I realized I had fallen asleep as we were unpacking.  Somehow I ended up on the couch, and awoke to loads of scattered furniture.  A few boxes were still left, but those were probably just decorative stuff, such as those odd paintings that we had.  I probably had took a break around ten o’ clock and dosed off, since that’s the last time I remembered being up.  I then stretched, and slowly picked up my feet.  I walked around for a minute, wondering how everything will be placed.  I had to distract myself from the unusual dream I had.  For some reason, all of my dreams had been exactly like that for the past week; depressing and frightening.  Not frightening as in monsters and ghosts, frightening as in that creepy vibe that lurked in them.

My heart skipped a beat when the front door slammed.  I sighed in relief when I saw that it was only my father.  He walked in with a few sweat stains on his shirt, which made me grew curious of where he was.
 
“Where did you come from?”  I asked.

“Work,”

Oh, I had forgotten that he had work last night.  It must had been a drag since he couldn’t get any sleep.  He yawned, and laid flat on the small sofa from the corner of the room.  I looked at him, then looked around the room.

“When are we going to organize this mess?”  I asked.

He sighed; I could tell I had bothered him.

“Later today, okay?”  He answered, sounding quite tired.

I nodded my head and proceeded upstairs.  I strolled through the narrow hall, and entered into my new room.  It was quite big, but the wallpaper seemed hideous to me.  It was covered in paintings of roses, with a black background.  I looked down at the floor, and kicked my feet against the hard wood, as it shined from the light through the small windows.  I saw that my bed was already there, along with my desk and more cardboard boxes.  Overall, I was pleased with the room.

I then grew bored, and returned back downstairs.  I was greeted by my mother as I walked down the carpeted steps, and saw that she was holding my small, blue school bag.  My eyes glanced over to the clock across the room, and saw that it was already seven-thirty.  Oh no, I thought.  She gave me a nice smile, as I smiled back, knowing I had no say in this.

I had completely forgotten about school, because of the whole moving thing and all.  It would’ve been nice if my mother did as well.  Why was I going today, anyways?  I mean, we haven’t even finished unpacking everything yet.

As we walked towards the car, I noticed that my breathing was heavy.  My heart also pounded as I sat down in the front seat, as my mother turned the ignition on.  Why was I so frightened?  Being a new kid couldn’t be that horrible, could it?  Well, that’s what I felt like.  I felt like I was about to step into a new and improved hell.

We started to get closer and closer.  I sighed, afraid of what will happen when I arrive.  Did the dream had anything to do with this?  Would they not like me?  I then thought I was just being ridiculous, so I stopped with my idiotic questions and relaxed.  I could tell that my mother saw I was a bit nervous, since she had been quiet the whole ride.  I smiled, so that she would know I was alright, since I wouldn’t want her to be worried as well.  We then suddenly stopped, as we were in front of a large building, with a sign in front that said, “Clark Middle School,” in bold print.  I gave my mother a quick hug, then stepped out with courage built in me.

I sauntered into the school, then down the hallway.  It wasn’t difficult to find my locker, since it was one of the first ones you would see when you first spot the large set of them.  I ended up being between two students, both male.  They tended to glance at me as I hurried getting everything ready, but I managed to ignore them.  I shut the locker very gently, with my supplies and schedule in my hands.  My eyes shifted towards each door I passed by, until I reached my designated class.  I held my items tightly to my chest as I walked, also glancing at the people who passed by.  I noticed I wasn’t as nervous as I was, I became more excited, actually.  I wasn’t exactly sure if anyone noticed the new girl running around, so that probably meant I hadn’t looked weird, I guess.  I came across a door that said “Room 13,” written on the side, then quickly looked down at my schedule.  Yep, that was it.

I sat at the desk that was nearest to the door.  It was most likely taken, but oh well, I thought, they would probably understand.  Being dead silent, I watched the other students enter into the room.  Some looked over at me, some didn’t.  I just hoped that I wouldn’t be the center of attention.  I then looked over to my right, and noticed a tall lady standing beside me, that had on a slight grin.  She seemed as if she would be someone that was polite, just by the flower skirt that she wore, along with her white-buttoned blouse.

“Hello, you must be Libby Johnson,”  she said to me.

All I did was nod my head and smiled.

“Where did you come from, sweetie?”

Had she not seen that I did not want to speak?

“Westlake,”  I replied, nice enough to answer, anyways.

“Well, welcome to Scottsville,”

She smiled, then walked towards the black board in front of the classroom, as I hoped she would not make any big scene.  I was relieved when I had not heard my name, though I still saw everyone’s heads kept turning towards me from the corner of my eye.  I felt my face overheat as I tried to not look back at them.  I guess I did end up being the center of attention, after all.

Apology (Regular Post)

I'm just posting this just to let everyone know that I'm still working on this blog, since it's been awhile since I've last posted on here.  It's just that I've been sort of busy lately, so I had completely forgotten about this.  BUT, I am working on a full story, which I started the other day.  I'm not thinking of publishing it or anything, just writing it for fun. :p  In my next post, I will be posting the first chapter of it, so you can tell me whether or not I need to rewrite it or anything.  It's so difficult coming up with a good exposition!  Anything that I come up with, I always get this vibe that it's lame or not good enough...but, eh, maybe it's just me.  Overall, I apologize for not being updated.  Well, I think that's it for now, so make sure to check out my next upcoming post, "Despair - Chapter One (Story)", and let me know what you think.

Uncover (Poem)

Beside you, stands the face you knew

Never once saw their shield right through

Hypnosis is hovering; a side their covering

Thoughts are flipped, left with no wondering

“There’s no story to hide”; a thought trapped in your mind

Painting their mask with lies; no clue they’re in disguise

Head filled with pride; no fault inside

They don’t want to expose decisions they chose

Every thorn covered; now a flawless rose

The wind blazes through , along with the cover in view

Your eyes light up in fright, as the cover is not in sight

Never be fooled by the outside, 

There's always something to hide

Memories (Story)

It was just a typical Sunday, as I walked around the room multiple times, studying every object there was around me.  I then came across a frame and held my sight on it.  I slowly picked it up, and held it lightly in my hands.  Noticing it being covered in large amounts of dust, I grabbed a tissue that was beside me, and very gently wiped every speck of it off.  I realized that I’ve revealed an image that surrounded in the frame, and stared at it for a few minutes.  As I was trying to look back on the old memories this image held, my mind went into space.  The photograph showed myself as a little girl, swinging on a swing in my backyard.  My smile was big and bright, as well as my family in the background.  If you focused on the side, you could also see a fraction of the house, which looked newly painted.  The backyard was a huge landscape, and the grass looked like it was just mowed very recently in the photograph.  Tall fences surrounded it, looking as if they were just built.  I then remembered that it was the first day living in that house, and we were having a gathering.  My eyes skimmed through the picture once more, as my hands felt the plain, black frame around it.  I started to walk off, carrying it in my hands.  Before I left the room, I quickly switched the light off, and slowly closed the door.  I returned back outside, stared carefully at the house, and set my eyes back on the photograph.  I noticed my eyes were starting to form tears, but I knew it was time to move on.  Being surrounded with packed boxes, I carefully put them inside my truck, and shut the trunk.  I gave a short, yet gentle wave to the house, and drove off with the picture in the seat beside me.

You Are The Last One To Know (Story)

It was a cold winter night, as me and my friend, Sarah, were walking along a snowy road.  My head was down, watching my feet stroll along against the sidewalk.  I decided to look up when I sensed there was something familiar around me, and that’s when I realized we started to approach that one spot I swore that I would never go through.

“Why won’t you walk through there?”  she asked me.

 I couldn’t answer, so I just kept walking in silence.

“Come on, it’ll be exciting and fun,” 

Again, I just remained quiet, as she was getting impatient.  But, after a few minutes of begging, I finally decided to go along with it.  I then started to take very little steps as we started to get closer.  I could see Sarah had a very confused look on her face.

“Are you paranoid that something is going to pop out?”

I shook my head no, still being filled with fear.  We then slowly entered into the place where my worst memories were held, which was in this graveyard.  I looked around, unable to move.  She pulled my arm aggressively, and I started to shriek.  

“Don’t be a coward, have some fun for once,” she said.

I felt like the only way to knock some sense into her was to raise my voice, but I was too frightened to even do that.  As we walked around for a few minutes, I saw the grave.  I tried to distract her the best I could from the grave, so that I wouldn’t have to mention anything.  Obviously, it didn’t work, since she was smart enough to know I was hiding something.

“Are you okay?  It seems as if you are trying to hide something,” she pointed out.

I swallowed the truth, then the words started to come back up as lies.

“No, everything is fine.  I’m just still a bit nervous about walking around in here,” I said.  I’ve always been a terrible liar.

She then gave me that look, but proceeded walking.  As we were walking in silence once again, my mind zoned out.  That’s when I finally realized we stopped, and there showed a look on her face filled with horror that seemed permanent.  I didn’t even need to look down to see what she saw, since I already knew.  But, it didn‘t mean that I didn‘t hesitate to see.  Then, I saw that grave where I promised myself that I would forget about.  It had the name “Melanie Smith” written in stone, which is my name. 

Sarah looked up at me with horror still in her eyes, and I could tell she wanted to flee from me.  Yet, I’m surprised she hasn’t already, because who would want to be face to face with a dead person?  I looked away, so that I wouldn’t have to see her face.  That’s when I heard her finally speak.

“…I thought you said you survived,” she said, still frightened.

With my head still turned away, I finally spoke out.

“I lied,”

We just stood there for the next ten minutes as I had a flash back, which it was something I promised myself that I would never look back on.  I was remembering the day of where I was trapped in my closet, with my eyes closed trying to go back to sleep.  I then heard my step father screaming bad things to me as he was trying to attack the door open, then eventually succeeded.  Everything else went black, and it wasn’t long until I awoke to my own funeral.  Ever since then, I’ve pretended like nothing had ever happened.

As I finally got out of my worst memory, my head was still turned away.  I could still feel Sarah’s fear right beside me.  I looked down at my own grave, trying to find the words of how to explain this, since I honestly wasn’t sure myself.  After a few deep breaths, I finally built up the courage to speak.

“Please, don’t let anyone know about this,”  I said.  It was the only thing I could think of to say for now.

Sarah’s eyes closed, as if she was going into deep thought.  After a few seconds passed, she quickly opened them again, and I was returned to a hateful glare.  

“Why couldn’t you tell me about this?  Most importantly, how are you even still here?” she asked, trying to disguise the fear inside of her.  

I let out a huge sigh, wanting to get out of this situation.  

“I couldn’t tell anyone, that’s the thing.  Don‘t you understand?”  I said, angrily.  “Also, how am I supposed to know how I became some horrifying ghost?”

I felt as if I just wanted to break down in tears, but managed to hold it all in.  I glanced at Sarah, and she had on a face that showed sorrow for my visible pain.  My fists were closed, but they opened back up as I was starting to calm down.  For a good period of time, we both just stood there, out of words.

I was visualizing of how everything would be if everyone else found out, which made me grow paranoid towards Sarah.  I looked over at her, and noticed that she had turned around, walking away.  I accepted her decision of no longer seeing me, since I couldn’t blame her.  But, as I watched her, my paranoid thoughts grew stronger.  That’s when I called out to her.

“Wait, before you leave, you have to make a promise,” I said, noticing the sad tone in my voice.

Sarah turned around, which got me surprised.  “What?”

I slowly took a deep breath. “Promise me, that you will be the last one to know,” 

She nodded her head, and turned back around.  I know she promised, and I know she was my friend and I should‘ve trusted her, but I couldn’t take any chances.  As we were walking, I lagged a few feet behind her and I noticed a heavy rock on the path.  I picked it up, felt it’s heavy weight in my hand, and lifted it high over her head.

The Truth (Poem)

I still love you

If I ever say that again, it's all a lie

It was just a less painful way to say goodbye

These are the only words that I did not hide, 

"There are no more feelings to be shared"

"my feelings have already vanished, so I'm not scared"

So, don't listen to me if I say,

I still love you

Don't fall for it, it isn't true, 

I won't let others change minds with the words they say

Because, no one knows the challenge that I've faced

I can't look back, I already walked away

My feelings changed when you came knocking on my door

But, then I never felt it anymore

At the opening, I felt some evil in you

And I still do

When we were as one, you heard me say "I love you" 

It was never true

I never actually cared

So, don't listen to me if I say,

I miss the relationship we shared

Since we're already here, there are more things you should know

You'll hear them if you look at the parts I now show

Listen closely, there are hidden words between every curse

You'll understand the message

If you read the lines in reverse

(Note: As you finish reading, start from the ending line, and start reading again from bottom to top.)

Through My Eyes (Poem)

There’s a story I’m dying to tell

About a girl I knew, and how she saw hell

There’s light of pleasure to everything she sees

But, her tears blind her with dark, awful memories

I noticed, when no one else could

I desired to announce, but never would

Instead, I allowed her sorrow grow

That was a mistake, I already know

She fooled them with false smiles,

Hid scars measured in miles

Her lies covered her like smoke

No one saw the pain that awoke

 For awhile, these secrets were held in

Now she’s gone, but not forgotten

This memory never once fell

Because, she was my past self